Many of my clients have struggled with the reoccurring thought that they are not good enough. That they are going to fail. They drive themselves towards some undefinable perfection. During my career, with every bigger step I took, I have also struggled with those beliefs and fears. What if I fail….what if this doesn’t work out…what if I’m not good enough…
Anytime we compare ourselves to other people we lose over and over again. If we perceive ourselves as being better than others we completely disconnect ourselves from those around us, which feels lonely and miserable. On the other hand, if we perceive others as being better than us then we feel terrible because we have now classified ourselves as less than.
Unless your comparisons breed inspiration, it’s just a cruel game we play with ourselves.
The misery that we create for ourselves when we compare ourselves to others is astronomical. So what’s the solution?
Accept that no one is perfect, no one should ever want to be perfect, and that maybe we’re all just really good at being exactly who we are. And just maybe the beauty of this world is that there are so many of us unique human beings each contributing in our own way (if we could only embrace our uniqueness and stop comparing ourselves to others!).
In coaching, we can certainly work around those beliefs and navigate their hold on us, but what if we didn’t have to?
What if part of being human was simply carrying with us this recurring anxiety and worry that we aren’t good enough?
What if we stopped giving weight to those worries but also stopped fighting to change them?
What if being human and being the best version of ourselves simply meant that sometimes we wonder if we’re doing it right?
Whenever I catch myself wondering if I’m not good enough or if I’m going to fail, I just allow myself to recognize this completely natural thought offered by my completely human brain. I see it and I move on. It’s just my biological drive to stay safe and not do the hard things.
I know that we all have that challenge from time to time and I know that thought will only get louder as we all take steps to do the hard things. I believe that if we don’t periodically wonder whether we are good enough or whether we are doing it right, then we are not truly striving to live as the best and most authentic version of ourselves.
In sum, if you aren’t wondering whether you are good enough and regularly being confronted with those fears, you aren’t living big enough.